Don’t Envy. Admire.

Change your focus.

Max C. Mitchell

Published in

Be TerRYFYC!

Jul 13

I have envied others so much in the past.

I’ve envied other people’s romantic relationships… I’ve envied other people’s ability to get dates or make friends. I’ve envied other people’s skill at being the life of the party. I’ve envied other people’s wealth.

I envied them because I didn’t have something that they had.

And that of course is the definition of envy.

But here’s the tricky thing…

Envy is often camouflaged as feelings of annoyance… or judgement… or false pity.

Being annoyed with someone makes you feel that you are at a higher level than them. Judging them makes you feel better about yourself. False pity is a punishment you inflict upon them for having the audacity to have what you want.

You might say “Oh he gets on my nerves. He’s always buying new sneakers.” When in reality, you wish you were able to buy more shoes or furniture or whatever it is you are not able to buy.

You might say “She has all that money, but it’s a shame that she spends so much time at work instead of with her family”. When truthfully, you wish you had the work ethic, or whatever other quality exists that would allow you to be as financially secure as she is.

Holding on to your envy only leads you to continue to stay in your current state of envy or bitterness. That’s the way the Universe works. If you focus repeatedly on negative emotions, then that’s what you will continue to see and think and feel.

Thus you must change your focus.

Photo by Stefan Cosma on Unsplash

You should focus on the positive aspects of the person so you can learn from them and get your own version of what they have!

You need to admire, not envy.

Don’t focus on the negative feelings of envy and judgement about the other person. Concentrate on the positive feelings of admiration and appreciation of the other person. This allows you to be willing to open yourself up to learn what makes the other person capable of having some of the things you desire.

But you will have to get to the root of your envy to find out what you should admire them for.

For instance, you may not want to be the same body size as your friend, but you should instead admire your friend’s ability to be confident no matter what size she is. — Because your annoyance or pity about her body size is masking your envy of her ability to be comfortable in her own skin.

You may not want to be a womanizer like your brother, but you may want to learn from your brother to find out how to change your own sex appeal or confidence levels (or improve your pick-up lines!), so that you can attract lots of people to you as well! — Because your judgement of his whorishness is really masking your desire to be as successful at the art of seduction as he is.

Like I always say in my articles, big mindset changes are not an instant change. It takes time to shift your thinking. Some people may need coaching or therapy to achieve these mindset changes.

It may sound like a strange concept at first to not focus on something that’s staring you in the face, but if you really try hard, you can do it if you choose to.

For example, if someone has what you consider to be bad fashion, your vision may fixate on their outfit as they talk to you. You should purposely ignore their bad clothes and concentrate on who they are and what they are saying. Concentrate on how well they articulate their viewpoints. Concentrate on the value of the advice they may be giving you. If it’s a family member, concentrate on the love they’ve shown you all your life.

If you are focused on some human trait like their teeth, or the way they talk, or their dressing style, you are probably just offended that they seem to have no desire to change the trait that you perceive as negative. And deep down, you are probably bothered by some physical flaw that you might have, and there’s a part of you that envies their ability to not care, or to be oblivious to their own flaws! After all ignorance is bliss… And you would love to experience that bliss!

You have to ask yourself why you are focused on that negative thing so much. And remember that what you focus on, you will get more of. The negativity that is.

Try this technique.

Pretend in your mind that whatever flaw you think someone has — they can’t change it. That of course might not be true — but try to think of it as true. Perception is reality. If you reframe your thinking, that new thinking becomes your reality.

Say to yourself “He can’t help he has a bad fashion sense…” Or “She can’t help that she enjoys spending her riches on new outfits. So how can I judge her for it? Therefore I can only appreciate her for her amazingly positive traits!” Of course it may not be true that they can’t change these traits, but what is in your mind, can become your truth. [Caveat: Of course, please don’t perform this mindset technique in cases where the person’s “flaws” cause you (or them) real physical, emotional, or financial harm.]

Changing your focus from the negative to the positive has amazing benefits. What you put out into the Universe, you get back.

For me, the more I stopped thinking about other people’s flaws, the more it seemed that people accepted my flaws.

And what’s even more important — I was more able to accept my own flaws!

These positive results just happened naturally… magically even.

If you just focus on positive feelings… such as admiration… The Universe will show you the path towards more positive feelings and those positive feelings will lead to many more positive results in your life in myriad ways.