You Don’t Have to be Perfect
How to rethink things…
Published in
Jul 24
I used to think everything I did needed to be perfect. Although I’m not sure I would have consciously stated it that way.
Put another way, I would dwell on the negative parts of what I did… and forget about the positive parts. I’d always remember when I lost my train of thought or forgot a word during a presentation, but not focus on the overall success of the message I presented.
If I threw a dinner party, my mind would marinate on the one food item that didn’t taste as well as I hoped, or the fact that I couldn’t find the right playlist to play, or that I hadn’t put out the decorative towels that I’d specifically bought for the party. I would think less about the beautiful decorations and how my close friends and family had traveled far to celebrate with me.
Realizing and accepting that you don’t have to or need to be perfect is one of the most important principles you can learn in life. Unless you’re a lawyer, a surgeon, or a soldier in combat. (And if you are doing one of those jobs for a living, then I just pray for you.)
There are many times that you need to do very well at something because an important sale is on the line or your entire job is on the line. I understand that pressure. But in a lot of occasions, there is no real threat to your well-being if you don’t perform a flawless job.
So it’s really wise to go easy on yourself.
At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep striving to get better at everything that you do. Don’t just say “Oops, I wasn’t perfect, oh well… moving on!” It’s still important that you do a post-mortem and acknowledge what was less than good. Not what was less than perfect… but what was less than good. At that point, ruminate about it, and take active steps to avoid repeating errors in the future if you can.
While you are unauthorized to base your self-worth on what other people think, it doesn’t mean you should miss out on the opportunity to benefit from outside input altogether. Especially… from those who know you well.
— Jen Sincero (You are a Badass)
In some situations, it is a good idea to ask for feedback. Sometimes… hopefully… your feedback will come back that you performed better than you believed you did!
If you are doing a formal presentation for an audience, it may be appropriate to provide feedback forms. If it is a job situation, you may ask your manager “How did I do?”. If you are in a less formal situation, such as at a social gathering just trying to make friends, you will have to just judge your “performance” based on your interactions: Are there people who came back to talk to you again?… Do you have people who keep looking at you for your input in the conversation?
Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash
At other times, others’ opinions of you are trivial and subjective. And it is your choice on how you perceive yourself.
When you take two pictures over the course of a day or a weekend, one good and one bad — you choose to believe which one reflects what you believe you look like.
When you post on social media, and you get 30 likes or positive comments, and then one person criticizes your outfit, you choose whether to believe your outfit truly needs work… or to ignore it and have pride in your sartorial choices.
In the end, you don’t have be the best-looking person, or the best speaker, or the best conversationalist. You just have to be the best you can. And that is good enough.
Perfection in most cases should not be your standard.
There are many people that you encounter in life or see on TV that are less than perfect… but what’s important is the overall message or good intention that comes through in their efforts. It is their overall demeanor and positivity and confidence that comes through.
And that is what you should focus on when you observe them. And they should do the same for you. And most importantly, that’s what you should focus on for yourself.
Always strive for perfection as your shoot-for-the-stars goal. Your goals should be ridiculously high. That way, your mind and your Universe will begin to line up things to lead you in that direction. But you still have to do the work to learn as much as you can, and practice as much as you can, and sacrifice as much as you can.
But as a human, you are bound to be imperfect. Don’t beat yourself up for those imperfections. Just acknowledge them, learn from them, remediate them, and try not to repeat them.
Make a list of the things you did well and compare them to the list of things you did wrong.
You’ll find that the list of right things should be much longer than your list of wrong things. Therefore, you should proportionately recall and focus on the right things more than the wrong things,… don’t you think?
